Rules for this diet:

1. If you eat something and no one sees it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count unless you eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else, you look thinner.

6. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

7. Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples: peanut butter on a knife used for making a sandwich or ice cream on a spoon used to prepare a soda.

NOTE: Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.