1 lg. possum (no butter, it's greasy enough)
1 oak board
2 c. garlic (to kill smell)
3 c. onion (in case garlic doesn't work)
1 c. meat tenderizer (if he has dodged all those cars, he's a tough one)
10 c. bread crumbs (to catch all grease from possum)

Place oak board on table. Put bread crumbs on it and place possum in middle of bread crumbs. Do not preheat oven. You want to delay the smell as long as possible.

Cook 1 1/2 hours at 350 degrees - longer if extra large possum. Take out of oven. Place in zip-loc bag. Place in trash can and eat the oak board. It will be better than the possum.