Chase down 1, 000 bullfrogs for 3 miles to gather up hops. Add 10 gallons of tan bark to the hops along with 1/2 pint of shellac and one bar of good quality lye soap. Boil for 36 hours, adding all of your dirty old socks. Strain through a World War 1 sock to keep it from working. Add one old onery mule to give it a good kick. To test, pour a little in the kitchen sink. If it takes the enamel off, its ready to bottle. Cork each pint with 1 long corncob. You should have 75 points if you didn't sample very much. It will last a long time if only used for special occasions such as when the mail arrives or the dog wags his tail. Bottoms up.