Measure 3 cups flour into large bowl. Answer telephone. Take large bowl off daughter's head. Sweep up floor. Measure 3 cups flour into large bowl. Measure 1/4 cup shortening. Answer doorbell. Wash shortening from daughter's hands and face.

Add 1/4 c. shortening to flour. Mix well. Rock crying baby for 10 minutes. Answer telephone. Put daughter in tub and scrub well. Scrape flour and shortening mixture from floor, adding enough tears to relieve tension. Open 1 can of beans and serve with remaining strength.