8 green globs of greasy-grimy gopher guts
5 pieces of mutilated monkey meat
5 little dirty birdie feet
12 French fried eyeballs
2 gallons kerosene

Place gopher guts into microwave oven for 10 minutes on defrost. Puree mutilated monkey meat in food processor. Pour over greasy grimy golpher guts. Declaw little dirty birdie feet, do not wash. Cut up the little dirty birdie feet and use as finger foods. Garnish mixture with French fried eyeballs. Use kerosene as dressing. P.S. Don't use a spoon. Makes enough for Mr. S. (barely).