1 extra lg. Australian kangaroo (live)
1 lb. salt
5 lbs. onions, chopped
1 (16 lb.) New Zealand sledge hammer
1 powder puff
1 (50 lb.) sack flour
1 lb. pepper
41 moonbeam mushrooms
1 extra lg. frying pan

Form expedition to Australia with temporary stop in New Zealand to obtain sledge hammer. Once in Australia, locate and lasso a large Kangaroo. Wrestle Kangaroo to ground and flour him using powder puff. This will cause the Kangaroo to become so tickled he will jump out of his skin (save skin for next expedition to use as camouflage). Begin slicing steaks to desired thickness, usually 3/4 inch.

While slicing steaks, saute onions and moonbeam mushrooms (no alternative; Moonbeam mushrooms must be used in order to prevent steaks from jumping out of frying pan). Using the 16 pound New Zealand sledge hammer, tenderize steaks for three minutes on each side. Do this twice to every steak. If any other type sledge hammer is used it will counteract the effects of the Moonbeam mushrooms. Add steaks to frying pan, salt and pepper to taste, and cook until done. IF YOU SURVIVE TO THIS POINT, DON'T EAT THE STEAKS!!!