1 med. elephant (African is best)
500 gal. hot water
2 pecks onions, finely chopped
1 bu. potatoes, peeled and sliced
5 shovels salt
3 shovels pepper
1 1/2 cases Worcestershire sauce
5 qts. peanut oil (optional)
10 bottles rum (or more if cooking time is longer or if you're expecting more than 8 guests)
Coke to taste

Mix 1 1/2 oz. of rum with coke; drink. Wash and dry elephant (don't use soap as this will spoil flavor). Chop into bite sized chunks. In back of 1/2 ton truck (or rented U-Haul) pour hot water. Have another rum and coke and add elephant, spuds and other ingredients. Allow to simmer. Meanwhile, finish first bottle of rum. Stir mixture using canoe paddle or small outboard motor. Allow to simmer until vegetables are tender and meat falls apart. When guests arrive, start them off with remaining rum. This recipe will serve 3800 people. If more are expected, 2 chopped rabbits may be added. Do this only if necessary as most people do not like to find a hare in their soup. (The peanut oil won't really add to the soup, but it's the way the elephant would have wanted it!)