1 (15 1/2 oz.) can inexpensive pink salmon, pick over & discard bones & skin
1 stalk celery, diced fine
1 (2 inch) piece green pepper, diced fine
1 med. scallion, trim & cut off roots, dice fine including green tops
1 scant tbsp. vinegar or lemon juice

Now for the tricky part: Put mayonnaise in small bowl, as much as you will use. Put in 3 drops of red food coloring. Mix thoroughly and add to your salad and - trust me - you will have a salad that looks like it is made with the expensive red stuff! Salt and pepper if needed.